If you were smart
you’d have experienced at least five times where the saying “Too good to be true” was applicable.
You’d know when the truth is not really the best option.
You’d keep your options open.
You’d open doors for elderly persons, pregnant women, and attractive individuals.
If you were smart
you’d have a strong sense of individuality,
and your wardrobe would reflect your taste.
You’d reflect, but you wouldn’t dwell.
You’d live below your means.
You’d mean it when you’d say things like, “A simple life is a happy life.”
If you were smart
you’d have a strong command of the English language,
and your intonation would reflect your ease.
You’d think before you spoke.
You’d consider the situation and formulate the perfect phrase for the moment at hand,
something like,
“Don’t make the process harder than it is.” Or,
“Learning is only a process of recollection.”
If you were smart
you’d have read the classics and be able to recite at least 12 Greek myths.
You’d have overcome humility and rejection.
You’d say, “When the chips were down….” Or,
“When the goings get tough, the tough get going.”
And you’d mean it.
If you were smart
people would tell you their secrets.
You’d say, “Hey, I’m not one to judge.”
You’d meditate or pray every evening after dinner and before a cocktail,
and your accessories would reflect your discipline.
You’d limit yourself to three drinks in the company of friends,
two in the company of strangers.
You’d have had four serious relationships,
one failed engagement,
and no more than five one-night-stands.
Your friends would throw you surprise birthday parties.
They’d invite you to art openings and independent films.
If you were smart
at least six bartenders would know you by name,
and your drink of choice by heart.
You’d order three, they’d charge you for two.
You’d look at the bill and say things like:
“There are two people to know in this world: bartenders and politicians.”
And you’d mean it.
Or you’d say, “Now, this, this is just too good to be true.”
“If You Were Smart” is from a manuscript in progress titled, The Human Condition. The impetus for the book stems from the refinement (or at least practicing the refinement) of the “listening” end of human interactions. I am forever obsessed with uncovering the psyche’s motivations: the reason one desires what they desire, where the desire originated, why the origin of such yearnings is important, what about the desire bares significance, and mostly, what about obtaining any thing– in a contemporary world chalk-full of desensitization– matters. Because it does. Something will always mean something. So, “If You Were Smart” is a reaction to all those contemplations. The piece is obviously ironic. Or not. Who knows? Maybe I’m stupid.
Sarah Suzor’s full-length collection of poetry, The Principle Agent, won the 2010 Hudson Prize and was recently published by Black Lawrence Press. She also has a forthcoming collaboration, After the Fox, which is co-authored with Travis Cebula and will be available from Black Lawrence Press in 2014. Suzor’s interviews and reviews have appeared in various online and print journals including Rain Taxi and Tarpaulin Sky. Her poetry has been published widely, as well as anthologized, translated and nominated for the Pushcart Prize. She lives in Venice, California where she is a founding editor for Highway 101 Press, and a guest lecturer for the Left Bank Writers Retreat in Paris.